Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Cori's LiveJournal:

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Friday, October 7th, 2005
10:07 pm	it's been awhile I just opened my live journal account for the heck of it. I couldnt even remember the last time i wrote in here. it's funny bc i hardly remember writing any of the last things i wrote in here. i remember the things now, but probably would never have thought of them again. anyways, i'm student teaching now and am almost done at my first placement. i absolutely love it. student teaching rocks. that was a lame sentence! it's very gratifying. tonight i told some of the students that next week was my last week and i was very surprised when some of the students who i thought could care less about me were really sad i was leaving! (i feel like i'm writing a journal for my supervisors... eek!) life besides that is amazing, yet pretty dull. its friday night and what am i doing? i went to the marching band game for the star wars finale. now i'm sitting at my computer, too lazy/tired to call anyone up to do something. man, i got lame! not really... i'm just so far from everyone, well, when it's 10 pm i'm far away... it's actually really nice to just have time for myself. i havent had that in years. it's nice to get home, work out, read, watch some tv, putter online, etc. no one bothers me except aaron when he's home, yet he just sits down stairs and i feel guilty and like i should go down there. i dont even know what to do right now. i could watch a movie. that means going downstairs into the dark main floor. i'm really scared of it down there when i'm alone. i think its bc we have no shades and huge windows. i dont like being where everyone can see me especially when i'm alone. it's not as though they cant see me up here though! ahh... life is so much simpler in some ways. i miss the olaf parties but it is nice to not binge drink a few nights a week. wednesdays were fun though! oh, olaf. well, i'm going to find something relaxing to do. that's what it's all about after a long day of classes! : ) until next time! (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 22nd, 2005
12:31 am	so much, so little I'm thinking about going to bed, I'm not that tired but I'm getting up early to run before my lesson in the morning. Also, I have so much to write about but not much motivation to get into it all right now! This weekend was the 100 Day March. It was a ton of fun. As Mike Smith put it, "This is the last time people are popular just because they're a jock, etc." I was trashed from 6pm on, sang karaokee for the first time, hung out with the music crowd, danced a bit, looked cute, etc. I miss my grandma again. Well, I always do. I wish I could call her. I was thinking about it today that one reason this year is a lot better in the "missing grandma" sense is that I have Matt to call when I get back from my day. I used to always call grandma and I was lost last year after she passed away. this is another one of those entries with lots of random thoughts. So how many of you actually think the average band teacher is lazier/has less work than a normal teacher? I don't think so. From my experiences, band teachers are just as busy. This conversation got me a little upset bc there is the stereotype that band teachers have it easy and arent 'REAL' teachers. however, it's a total different skill to be a band teacher. you have to know SO MUCH and have to be even more creative than the everyday teacher. meh... i have so much more to say about this at another point. it's amazing how so many major thoughts/concepts about life, who i am, how i see the world, what my profession is like, what i want in life, etc., etc. can all be brought up in about a week! thinking overload! i guess that's what being in a relationship can do! I was reminded of my weekend with Nik last year. We had a good time and i really enjoyed myself. it's interesting to think of myself then and now and to compare myself. i know i've changed A LOT since then. i think, know, i would handle myself differently. i'm not saying i regret the weekend, just saying i carry myself differently now. i am way more confident, say actually what i want to do, am not as anal, have more definite ideals, am definitely hotter! (been working out and ahh... well.... yeah, grown a bit.... ) i can really thank Matt for most of that. Matt reminds me a lot of Plato's Lysis where Plato talks about praising the one you love and that they're become more confident and harder to catch.... the confident part's true, but i'm already caught. I should go to sleep. perhaps i'll finish some of these fragmented ideas another time! (Comment on this)
Monday, February 14th, 2005
12:26 am	Happy Valentine's Day Happy Valentine's Day. This is definitely the holiday that I have the worst memories of. Every Valentine's Day during college has been horrible. Mike and I broke up 3 years ago today. God, that was one of the worst days ever. That pretty much ruined this holiday for me. "It was as though I didn't have a boyfriend today. If it were anyone but you we'd be over in a second." And we were. Ouch. Then started a horrible stretch of time. (It's funny how you can not think of something for so long and then it can all come rushing back to you in an instant.) Then the next year I was in love with Niels and the wierd Jeremy thing was going on and I got that over-the-top card that was written for a wife. Yikes. Thus, another horrible stretch of time- The Jeremy Fights- started. Last year nothing happened at all as far as I remember. Yeah, uneventful. Very uneventful. I was still recovering from Grandma dying, my recital, and Niels. Hopefully this year wont start a horrible stretch. I'm sure it wont. It's funny how that date, a stupid made up holiday, can be a trigger for so many bad things. Actually I know this year will be better. For once I have a terrific boyfriend. I really couldn't ask for more. It will just be a normal day I'm sure but I love him just the same. : ) hehehe.... reminiscing (sp?) on past Valentine's Days... : ) I did get a nice cd mix once! It turned out to be quite gay later! And in third grade I wrote the extra-special "Do you like me? Check YES or NO." Valentine to Mike! and it was a YES! Current Mood: calm (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, February 11th, 2005
1:51 am	"oh Quam Tu Pulchra Es" SpacemanSpiff33: this is a long distance dedication....Niels in Washington, DC writes: "Cori was my music history study partner. She and I had a song- "Oh Quam Tu Pulchra Es" It's been about 9 months since I've seen Cori but I still want to let her know that I care. Can you, Kasey, play that song as a long distance dedication for me? It would really mean a lot to her. Thanks, Niels Knutson Well, Niels - we'll play your long distance dedication here on American Top 40. Next up, "The cow goes moo" by the world renowned Randy Peterson (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, January 21st, 2005
9:42 pm	: ( I don't understand how I can be so incredibly happy one Friday and then feel so crappy the next... and all about the same person. Current Mood: sad (Comment on this)
Friday, December 31st, 2004
1:08 am	feeling a little down. I'm feeling a little down right now. Matt had surgery on his face last night and is not able to talk very long. Everytime I call him, he has to go because it hurts to much when he's talking. I feel so bad for him. I wish I could help but I can't. I know Matt will feel sad if he reads this because I'm going to feel sorry for myself for a bit for missing him! Sorry! Anyway, I really wanted to talk to him tonight but he couldn't. : ( I waited all day to be able to talk. I was even thinking of staying in for New Years to talk to him but he probably wont feel good enough. I can't wait until he feels better. It's hard too bc he sounds like he hurts so much and sounds so sad. Then I'm sure I sounds sad and not as chipper as usual. then i try to sound chipper bc i think of what he's said previously- that he plays off of me. when i'm jolly and happy on the phone he will be. : ( also, i'm a little down bc i wont be home for a long time. not until july. i just told my dad i'd be going to st. louis for spring break and in minneapolis for east so i could only come home for a weekend this semester. he was really sad about that. he's not ready for me to move out into the real world. he said, "this summer is going to be kind of putzy bc you wont be home very long." so what the hell am i suppose to do!? i'm 23 and finally starting my life. am i supposed to come home every summer and be a child?! come home on all my breaks?! can't i have a person i love more than anything and want to be with him? what's my dad going to do/think when i'm done student teaching and ready to really start my life, move where i want, be with the person i want!? it's hard being the oldest child. i'm really close with my dad but am i supposed to stay here forever?! gah. no, i'm ready to move into my own place, start my life, be with the one i love. but then there's that part of me that hates change. yes, i wont be coming home for regularly scheduled breaks. yes, i will have my own place. yes, i will be living with a boy. yes, there may even be sex involved. but fuck! I'M 23!!! how do you say that to your dad?! how do you tell your little brother that you're starting your life and cant come home to play mariokart and go to cafe espresso for a week?! how do you move your queen sized bed into your apartment for you and your boyfriend. god. it'll all work out. it'll be hard for them, but i'm so excited for the future. scared, yes. nervous, yes. certain, yes. uncertain, yes. anxious, yes. broke, yes. god. and then there was the tiny comment last night about me "changing my plans for him." so i was going to hang out with sheldon and the gang. i was waiting for matt to call- i called him and he wanted to talk in a half hour/45 min. so, i decided to hang out later. my parents were like, "what, you had to change your plans because of him? couldnt he talk now?" so by that little comment do my parents think i'm wipped? dont they understand that matt would have done the same for me? dont they know that he had major surgery and that i couldnt be there for him? didnt they understand that the least i could do was be there when he wanted to talk? gah. i think it's hard for them to see me actually loving someone and putting my entire self into this relationship. they dont want me to grow up. man. then there's matt. i hope this works out more than anything. i love him so much. i cant wait until we can live together. i hope more than anything that he can be in minneapolis next year... i know Matt will be sad that i didn't tell him i wasn't ok when we left. he asked and i said i was fine. he's just hurting so much right now that i couldnt tell him. i wish i could talk to him.... however, i alway write more in here when i cant. Current Mood: sad (Comment on this)
12:38 am	one of those survey things... 1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before? Wow... that list could go on and on: visited Alaska, drove from Seattle to Green Bay, got a boyfriend who actually is a good person, conducted the St. Olaf Orchestra 2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I didn't make one last year and I will make one for next year. 3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Did Jackie Nelson have her second baby this year or last? I can't keep track. 4. Did anyone close to you die? I was still grieving the loss of my grandma this year. 5. What countries did you visit? Mexico!!! 6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004? 7. What date(s) from 2004 will remain etched your memory, and why? January- St. Olaf Band Mexico tour Good Friday- the day Matt ripped my clothes off for the first time! ; ) October 29- I drank until I couldn't feel feelings May- got the best boyfriend ever April 18- my junior recital 8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Becoming a better person. 9. What was your biggest failure? Sometimes reverting to the not-so-good person 10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I had my wisdom teeth taken out and also was given vicodin for a sore throat! 11. What was the best thing you bought? Tickets to see Matt! 12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Matt's perhaps. 13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Kristin and Josh Cameron's- the saga lasted way too long. My mom's. Mike's. 14. Where did most of your money go? Towards visiting and buying presents for Matt. 15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? I sense a trend here- visiting Matt. Also, going to Mexico. 16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2004? Any John Mayer or Rufus Wainwright songs, St. Olaf Band tour songs, the dance mixes that are played at Brad's Corner Bar! 17. Compared to this time last year, are you: i. Happier or sadder? Happier- I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life! ii. Thinner or fatter? Thinner- I worked out a ton this year and am in the best shape I've ever been. Matt says I'm "anorexic" but that's not true! I have lost a lot of the CHUNKINESS in my face! iii. Richer or poorer? Poorer- This is the first time I've actually felt that college broke feeling. I need a job, spend too much money on visiting my boy (I love it though), and have a $5,000 Europe trip this summer... 18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Listening to people. 19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Being busy. 20. How will you be spending Christmas? I spent it with the family going to church and opening presents. 22. Did you fall in love in 2004? YES!!!! I've never felt a love so strong. 23. How many one-night stands? Ummmm.... 2? There was messing around... no sex though! 24. What was your favorite TV program? Scrubs! 25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? :::sigh::: Rebecca. I don't mean to. 26. What was the best book you read? 1984 27. What was/were your greatest musical discoveries? Ouch. Don't ask this to a music major! Probably that I can and do enjoy conducting. 28. What did you want and get? A boyfriend that I can love unconditionally and that will love me back. 30. What was your favorite film of this year? may be Amelie? 31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? We went to the Cow to celebrate Ashley's 21st bday and at midnight it became my birthday. Then I woke up in my bed next to Matt, went to class and band. Matt gave me a rose when rehearsal was done and we went to Old Chicago for dinner. After that I'm not sure what happened... also, I was 23. 32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? If my mom was more stable and not so crazy. 33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004? Becoming more confident, more showy, more girly. 34. What kept you sane? Finally having someone to talk to that actually cares. 35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Hmmm... I'm not big into the celebrities but I'd have to say John Mayer. 36. What political issue stirred you the most? The election. 37. Who did you miss? Matt- I haven't seen him in 4 weeks and there are still two more to go. I also miss my Grandma more than I can even explain. 38. Who was the best new person you met? Tim and Ashley- I knew her but didn't actually _know_ her. 39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004: Gosh, I've learned so many. Reread this year's journal and you'll find some. Here are a few: Listen to people. Keep your priorities straight. Relax. Families are important. When you find out who your true friends be sure you appreciate them. (Comment on this)
Saturday, December 25th, 2004
6:41 pm	Merry Christmas It's Christmas and the one I love isn't here. Christmas is supposed to be spent with loved ones. :::sigh::: Yes, I'm spending it with my family and that's fun. However, there's something missing. What would it be like to spend Christmas with you? Great. I hope it can happen in future Christmases. (how do you spell that?!) I miss my grandma a lot today. We always spend Christmas at her house. Now we just spend the day going to a movie. : ( Life goes on. Sometimes I wish it didn't have to. Mooty's sitting here in my lap. She's sooo cute! Everyone should be jealous of my nice cat. It's time to call Matt... perhaps I'll write more later! Merry Christmas! (Comment on this)
Saturday, December 18th, 2004
12:41 am	my family is crazy i can not even believe my family sometimes. it's like a movie. one you couldnt even make up if you tried. i dont understand why they dont tell me stuff until it's right in the middle of stuff. man. for example, when my grandma got cancer, they didnt tell me for two months. everyone else knew. last janurary, no one told me what happened either until i happened to call home, and "oh, by the way..." now, i called home this week, "oh, cant talk now, i'm in the middle of something." major things happen, still dont tell me. assume in know. ok. finally i find out. great. thanks a lot. i dont want to go home. : ( Current Mood: scared (Comment on this)
Friday, December 17th, 2004
5:28 pm	world music so i'm sitting here attempting to study for world music. however, i only need a 29% to get an A in the class. that should be possible, right? hehe. so what should i do? i i were a "normal" person i would stop studying bc there's no need. but alas, i cant. i want to do a good job even though i already have 114% in the class... hmmm... obsessive? yeah, i suppose. it's been a pretty fun week. we had a blast at brad's corner bar on wednesday. we drank many $3 pitchers and danced all night. mike smith has decided i'm his dance partner most of the time- at least when the massive bandie/ed line isnt forming! heheh. it's always humorous. the dirty townies just watch us and in the words of Matt the bandies all "freak" together. yeah, we've gotten a really close group of friends lately. it's a blast. on monday night after we had a group recitative study session in the ytterboe basement, we all came back to my room and played twister and had rum and cokes for a few hours. it was really fun. then we played twister between the conducting final and into the beginning of Mahr's class. he made a small devo-like reaction to the twister game. he said it's great to see how close we've gotten in the past four years, how we support one another, are there during the ups and downs, have fun together, and will continue to as we need friends as teachers. that day felt like it should be the last day of college. SMA wrapped up our 3 years of conducting and Mahr tied up the ed major and our friendships. lately i've been thinking a lot about what Mr. Hanson, my youth symphony director said the day of our last concert, "We shall never pass by here again." that is so true. sometimes we tend to take moments, ways of life, freinds, circles, weekly events for granted. then, suddenly, life keeps going and they're gone. things like the personality of a band, a friend, staying up for the all night drinking extravaganza. it's here and then we may never return to this moment, only in thoughts and pictures. i'm going to miss this semester a lot. i had a great time with these teachers and friends in my classes. i'll miss having nudell in class with me. we've had all our classes together since freshman year. oh, well. life goes on. today i was also thinking about Tristan. i talked to him online last night. we may be talk online 3 times a year and see each other about to... well, we were way over our limit last year. anyways, he's actually one of the longest friends i have had now. we've been friends for over 7 years! i cant believe it was 7 years ago that we dated. crazy. who would have thought that he would have ended up being one of the few people i get together with when i go home. we always have a good time even if we do the usual thing of deciding what to do forever and then watching a movie until all hours of the night. another thinga about him, is that since i only see him once in a long time, i can always tell how much i have grown as a person when i'm around him. i used to be really nervous and shy and didnt want to give much of an opinion. i know i was like that a lot. now i know i take more control and am more talkative, more confident, more fun. also, i'll be seeing Jordan over break and borrowing his pic. i've hardly talked to him in the past year. may be for 5 minutes. he's another person i'll keep as a friend even though we hardly talk. should be interesting. yeah, i do get in to my green bay routine when i go home. have to visit the once a year people. ok... back to world music... then a little trumpet class B action and may be a movie. we'll see. (Comment on this)
Monday, December 13th, 2004
8:43 pm	woodchuck well, it's quarter to nine and i'm so tired from my busy day. i conducted the st. olaf orchestra today. it's always amazing doing that. just think- i've reached my conducting height in college... i'll probably never conduct a better group. i have to get to my recitative homework in a minute. However, i decided to relax with a woodchuck cider and guess what happened?! well, i feel a little tipsy already. man. just one drink! i'm such a lightweight!!!! it's probaby bc i havent had enough substance in my diet in the last two days. i cant wait to go home and have not caf food and just to get away from olaf people. i'm kind of tired of steph right now. i dont mean to be short with her but i know i am. oh, well. it'll be better after break. i got a really nice package from matt today. : ) it has my ny sweatshirt in it and it smells like him!!! now what am i supposed to do!? i want to wear it and smell him but i also dont want the smell to go away. : ) when i got the package today i was just overtaken with how much i love him and how much i miss him. i never had that happen. i was just in my own world, or rather, matt's world, just thinking of him and how much i wanted to be with him at that moment. i had to stop myself from crying in fireside by myself!!! i was just overwelmed with love. sorry to be so gushy in this entry.... i've just been overtaken with someone and cant live without him. there i go again! : ) who would have thought! in a few minutes i have to go to the ytterboe christmas party to get my sweatshirt. i'm so excited. i've always wanted one. i've spent so much time in this dorm. freshman year with jacob, tyler, and andy olsen. sophomore yr with kyle. junior year with jon and niels, and now i live here!!! ok.... time for some recitative! later. Cori (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 17th, 2004
7:09 pm	what's wrong? so what's wrong? why do we need to talk? why am i so sad? why do i cry all the time when i talk to you? it'll be ok when we see each other this weekend. i know it will be. i love you so much. things always get stressful/emotional/difficult the week before we see each other. that always happens. it may almost be that time of the month. i am too stressed out about school. yes, i know i stress out too much. you're stressed out too. i do the wrong thing sometimes and i dont mean to. then you tell me that and say not to take offense but i do anyways, just bc i'm not used to having someone actually discuss what's wrong. yes, that's a good thing. it makes us stronger and that's what will make this amazing. it's hard sometimes and i've never been in a relationship where we actually worked through things. so i guess that's a good place to be. i dont know what we should talk about. why am i sad? i dont know. you stress me out sometimes. such as when i cant go take a shower. or when i should go practice but then you're really mad at me. i guess you just need your time, and that's good. it was just bad timing last night when you told me you were mad at me and i was already at the cracking point, then i slept on it and woke up all upset and pissed of at everyone and about to cry at everything. yeah, that was today. it wasnt fun. it'll get better. everything always does. even if you have the worst year of your life. may be it was bad to learn that a problem today wont be a problem tomorrow or next week so just let it go and dont worry about that. i learned that way back in high school when i had a crush on nick ribando. hahah. oh, god! well, i always say you learn somethign from every relationship no matter how small. i dont know what i'll say when you call, what's wrong, what we should talk about. it'll be fine. i love you with all my heart. i dont know what my problem is today. may be i shoudlnt leave you saying i've been upset all day. that's probably not good and just makes you upset. nothing in particular is wrong. gah. well, it's guitar time. we'll see what happens. (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 7th, 2004
9:15 pm	learning guitar Today we baked cookies at Dr. Mahr's house. That's always one of my favorite days of the semester. It was definitely one of those "Cori days" and Dr. Mahr caught quite a few of the moments- when I spilled flour on the floor, put in the wrong ingredients (I NEVER do that!), looked stupid in the pic he took of me, stained both my hands red and green... Yeah, I am a competent person! I spent my evening doing homework in my room by myself. Steph's gone for the evening. It was nice. I actually enjoyed memorizing the Beethoven Septet. Now I'm going to learn the guitar for my favorite person... Loretta Greatz. I don't think she even deserves her name in here. oh... the Northern lights are out... got to go see them~ (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 3rd, 2004
8:13 pm	so many feelings at once... well, i have had so many different thoughts today that are filling up my mind. i think it's one of those days where i just need to spill them all here, even if they dont relate and only make a bit of sense, and just get them off my mind. or at least out of my head. so... where to begin? today i've had my ups and downs and in betweens and confused states. i'm really confused about student teaching right now. mark schelske had no idea what he was talking about. i'm looking forward to student teaching but i'm also scared out of my mind. what if i dont like it? what if i decide i dont want to teach? or that i'm not good enough at music? or the students see me as an equal more than a teacher? i know all people have these fears. i hope i like it. i'm a bit mad at the st olaf band for going to mexico last interim. i should have student taught then for january. that's when niels decided not to be a teacher. what if i decide that? i know, i know. i probably wont. it's just scary bc it's coming so fast. also, i'm just getting burned out on music right now. i have ALL music classes, 3 ensembles, and a lesson. i love music. really. it's just TOO much sometimes. class all day, reahearsals, practicing, coming back and doing more music homework. it's supposed to be fun and it is, but, man. sometimes. next semester will be a good break. however, i love having mahr, sma, and dave for teachers right now. i also have all my friends in my classes and that's great. what if i just liked music stuff bc of high school and the social aspect at olaf? yeah, that's part of it, but i really do like teaching students. i enjoyed it in the middle school. ok. enough of that... this is going to be a really long entry! ok... so the election. i never thought i'd be so upset about who became president. i felt sick all day yesterday about it and am really bummed today. i wont go into it all. it also bums me out bc i dont know how it will affect other aspects of my life... i didnt think who became president could affect relationships as well... gah. plus, there's my parents. my dad wrote me a nice email about voting and our different views and whatnot. ok... what else? yeah, i miss matt a lot today. more than usual. i know i say that quite frequently, but it's true. i cant stop thinking about him and when i'll see him again. i had such a great time over fall break. i wish i were there again. hmm.... i know there's more... i was really tired today. i had to take a nap. i never take naps! what was up with that? may be i worked out too much this morning, slept too little, am too stressed? who knows? or may be i'm just more relaxed and let myself sleep when i needed to... yeah, so i've been working out a lot lately. more than i ever have in my life. matt always says he thinks i'm anorexic, a little jokingly, but may be quite serious. do i really have a problem? i dont think so. i know i'm more conscious of what i eat and am working out like crazy. i know i have lost weight... well, not really, but i look like i have... i dont know... ok. i think that's most of what's on my mind. oh, and i miss my grandma a lot lately. i wish i could go home, go to her house, have porkchops, beans, 1% milk, a bowl of tootsie rolls and circus peanuts, and put up her christmas tree. aww. that's all for now. even though i sound kind of distressed, i really am quite happy these days. (Comment on this)
Friday, October 15th, 2004
1:13 am	so now what? Well, now I don't really know what to do. hehe. Matt, geezzzz!!! I know you're going to be reading this! : ) I'll just write anyways like usual if I were writing and not thinking that you were going to read it! So what happens when you keep a journal and the person who its mostly about starts reading it? first it's like, "Fuck!!!" and you're really embarassed to have them hear your thoughts, even though you then realize that everything in it is actually really great and that it would probably make them feel good to know it all. yeah, so that happened today. i'm glad though. it's fun to read and i know it'll make the most important person in my life happy. hehe. i guess i just never really thought about this journal THAT much. i should really start typing in it again. even though i never REALLY say much, or anything too substantial, it always makes me feel good. i guess i havent written lately bc i just talk through all my problems and feelings with matt. i dont know if he'd say that though!! i know i have a hard time opening up fully to people. still, i have to blame that on the fact that i couldnt open up to my past two relationships and bc the last person i really trusted went and told everyone what i had to say. also my family doesnt really TALK about stuff that's too deep so i wasnt brought up like that. well, to keep the trend of this journal going.... i get to see Matt in one week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited!!!!!!! yay!!! ok. i should go to bed. blah. i have to go to chapel tomorrow bc steph's conducting flute choir. i guess i'll try taking a shower before i go work out. we'll see how much that helps! i'll try to be flexible on it...... ok. goodnight. if you enjoy reading my journal. please continue. : ) you know i love you very much. (ok... no more addressing actual people in my journal!) Current Mood: calm (Comment on this)
Monday, September 20th, 2004
12:45 am	iowa Well, once again I haven't written in here in a very long time. I'm back at school at it's great. I love St. Olaf. The people, the atmosphere, the ensembles, the parties, the L&M on Wednesday nights... the list goes on. The only thing missing from St. Olaf is Matt. The St. Olaf Band just isn't the same without his tuba playing... I just got back from Iowa. Matt and I met halfway between Northfield and St. Louis. It was a blast but I spent WAY too much money. It was my time to pay for the weekend. He did pay for the entire Alaska trip so I need to pay for some now. We didn't really do anything but had the greatest time. We went to a jazz museum, shopped at Target a lot, went to dinner, sat in the park, etc. I miss him way too much right now. Gah. How did I ever get such a great boyfriend? I need to go write him an email and send some pics. I'll write more later. Current Mood: loved
Tuesday, August 31st, 2004
10:11 pm	Well, I haven't written in here in a long time... i think since i went to alaska. it's been quite the busy month. i went to new york city with the fam for a week and then flew to seattle and drove back to green bay with matt. that was a blast. i drove for 27 hours and he drove for 6. who got the better deal? : ) i think he made up for it in the end... yeah, who knew that Montana has wild zebras? i didnt realize that i was being really pissy in new york city. man, i was just too busy. oh, well. i kind of understand it now that he's at school. have you ever met someone that made you lose all interest in other people? make you stop checking out everyone, thinking they may be just a little better than what you have? have you ever met someone that continually takes your breath away? someone who makes all those little crushes you've had your whole life disappear? that's the most amazing feeling in the world. i never thought i could have something like that. on a totally different note... i wish i could talk to my parents about a certain issue. i can't talk to my dad bc i'm his little girl and i can't talk to my mom because she used this against me earlier this summer even though there's nothing wrong with it. i dont know what to do!!!!!!!!! gah, of course this couldnt be anymore obvious!! (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 4th, 2004
2:40 am	Alaska! I just got back from Alaska today. I had the greatest time ever. I'll try to write about most of it but it may take a few entries. As you can see I'm a little jet-lagged right now and can't sleep! I left Green Bay on Monday and wore a really cute skirt for Matt. I wasn't going to at first bc I thought I'd be way too cold, but it turned out to be ok. Plus, I had to look cute after not seeing him for two months. I flew out of Chicago at sunset. It was amazing bc it was sunset all the way to Alaska. The plane was following the sun. Sometimes we would catch up with it and it would be day and other times we would get behind and it would be night but we would always get back into the sunset. I got to Anchorage around 11 pm. I spotted Matt through the security gate. He was dressed up for me as well- black dress shirt and dark green khakis. He looked really good. He is the best boyfriend ever! He showed up with a bunch of flowers. He also had a bowl of freshly picked raspberries for me in his car!!! Could he be any more perfect?! Anyway, then he took me to a restaurant and we got an Oreo shake and french fries. He always wants me to eat because he says I'm "anorexic." He's just joking but he does want me to eat. It was quite late by the time we got back to his house, yet it was still pretty light outside. It only gets dark from about midnight to 4 am. I think I'd never sleep if I lived in Alaska. Once at his house we went to bed on the mattrice on his floor. I knew I'd be happy to see him but I didn't think I'd be THAT happy!!! I almost wanted to cry! One thing that really touched me was all the little things about him that I forgot- the way he rubs his hair through my hand, the various cute expressions, the way he hisses like a cat, and so many more things that make him who he is. It was so nice to sleep next to him again. Well, the next morning we went for a bike ride along the water in Anchorage. It was about a ten mile ride. The mud flats were pretty amazing. It's incredible that the town actually sunk in to the water after the 1964 earthquake! I really liked the bike ride. I think my favorite part was halfway through when we just sat and looked at the mountains and the ocean. It reminded me of the night that we sat and listened to the thunderstorm in Mellby. We just puttered around for the rest of the day. That night Brian, Matt and I went bar hopping in downtown Anchorage. We went to Humpy's, another bar, and I think it was called SubZero. We split a really good, really overpriced Scooby Snack. Oh, on the way to the bar, someone told us that we had a flat tire. We were a little worried about that for quite a bit of the trip. At least this happened before our cross-country drive! Well, that's the beginning of the trip. I'm going to try to get a little sleep and finish this up tomorrow! Current Mood: loved (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 15th, 2004
12:29 am	i always end up saying the wrong thing I was just talking to Matt on the phone. We were having a very good conversation. You know, I was happy, he was happy. Then Fuck. I go and say something without thinking. Just innocent rambling, thinking through my day tomorrow. I always seem to have this thing about phrasing things wrong so they sound horrible and that's totally not what I meant. Then it goes and makes me feel bad. I think part of my problem is the way I've been treated by guys in the past. here's a nice example of one of my mistakes... "You tend to like chunky girls." I know a lot of the stuff I write about is nonsense to most people. Sorry about that! (Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 14th, 2004
2:23 am	thank you. who knew. (Comment on this)